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TALAT ZAKARIYA: You must have heard what’s happening in Tahrir Square.
BASSEM YOUSSEF : No! What? What?
T: Drums and horns and dancing…girls…and boys…and drugs…and full sexual relations.
Y (on the phone to someone): Didn’t I tell you we need to go to Tahrir Square? Dude, they’re saying there’s music and women and sex, and we’re sitting here? … Sorry, sorry.
Y: Mr. Talaat, is there a video that proves what you’re saying?
Y: Sorry, clearly we got the video mixed up. We’ll fix it. Mr. Talaat, sorry, go ahead, tell us what else is happening in Tahrir Square?
T: What happening right in Tahrir Square is a carnival.
T: There’s a band..there’s a one act play..all of it against the president..there are snacks and drinks and sodas and tea.
Y: I’ve finally learned what’s happening in Midan Tahrir. Out of solidarity with the eminent Mr. Talat Zakariya, I’m going to show you the proof.
T: Drums and horns..
[Crowds singing the national anthem]
Y: So ill-bred. People singing in Midan Tahrir.
T: Full sexual relations…
[Protesters fighting police]
Y: You’re right. It was an orgy…Anything else to add, Mr. Talat?
T: And who knows how many Muslim Brothers, and God knows what else, there…
Y: What, with the music and the girls and the drugs and the sex? What kind of Muslim Brothers, dude?
Mr. Talaat, concentrate for a moment–are you sure of what you’re saying?
T: And I take full responsibility.
Y: So when we write the history of the revolution… There was music and dance, girls and boys, drugs and sex, and Muslim Brothers. They had a carnival, they ate snacks and this lead to the fall of the regime.
Y: Mr. Talaat, is there anything else you’d like to add– anything else bothering you?
T: “Depart”: What does that mean? What does it mean to simple people?
[Video of Wael Ghonim and friends]
“Depart” means get out of here! What don’t you understand?
Y: I hope we answered the question.
(translation by Ursula Lindsay)